I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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