this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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