Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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