Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
