had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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