i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize