Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
