In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
