hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
a search helicopter?!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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