I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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