Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
