Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize