Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
