i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
