i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
