She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
