I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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