does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
