Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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