And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
