Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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