I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So much rum. So many feels.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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