I skipped work to stalk him.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize