Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
