his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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