I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
