WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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