I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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