he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
