Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
