I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she smelled like a LAN party
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
