Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
