oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she looked like the before picture.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
