I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
