Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
