I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
