We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
