Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sext me about skeletons
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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