I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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