You're so nebulous sometimes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
