I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
