She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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