and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
