also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
