last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just cut my nipple shaving
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
