My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
