Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
