Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
