i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
