I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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