They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
someone owes me an orgasm
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
