Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
