I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
