just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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