You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
