I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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