hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
