I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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