I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize