she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
