these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
