Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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