so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
