Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
