Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
